Petunia
by Phaxsoone
Summary: A series of oneshots about Lily's relationship with her sister, starting with Lily confessing the intricacies of their sisterhood to James. Rated T for infrequent language.


Petunia

**A/N:** this is hopefully the start of a collection of oneshots with Lily regarding Petunia. If you enjoyed this, let me know and I'll try and do another, set at a different time.

"James, there's something about me that you don't know. Something that I really want to tell you. I think."

Lily twisted her hands in her lap as James looked up from his herbology textbook.

It had been a rough week for Lily. She had received her first ever failed test, she had had a fight with Hestia, and she'd received a letter from her mother, ordering her to straighten things out with her sister after the disaster that was Christmas break of '77.

Now, she was sat working in the common room with her recently acquired boyfriend, James Potter – she'd been given a heck of a lot of homework given her recent failures. James was trying to help but he was just as buried as she was – he was so busy with head duties and Quidditch captaincy that he needed every minute he could to get working.

Despite this, he knew from her tone that what she wanted was important, so he placed his textbook down on the table and faced her. "What is it?"

Lily wrung her petite hands in angst, debating whether this really was the right thing to do. It wasn't like she was telling him about a pathetic sibling rivalry; this was big. Her sister _hated _her. Like, couldn't-stay-in-the-same-room-as-her hate. She felt like she needed to tell him.

"Ok. Well, this is a big thing for me. I don't normally tell people about this, and to be honest, I don't really know why I'm telling you, but I want to and I think it would help you understand me better, and it's one of the reasons this week has been so utterly shit and I don't know how to deal with it and –"

"Lily," James whispered, "slow down, breathe, and tell me what's wrong." He placed his hands on her shoulders before moving them down to pull her anxious hands away from each other, tracing smooth circles on them with his soft thumbs.

"Ok. Well, my sister hates me. Really, truly _hates_ me, ever since we found out I was a witch. I walk into a room, and she leaves. Whenever I speak, she condescends me. Whenever I do _anything_, she criticizes me. I always felt guilty about it, so I kind of just, let it happen. If she ever ranted to me I just sat there. Whenever she let me have it, I'd just walk away. But, I didn't this Christmas. I… I fought back, and now my mother hates me too. She says I'm not welcome back at home unless I can straighten things out with Petunia. You see, she always did these things behind Mum's back, so she'd never know, and if she didn't, she'd always make it so incredibly discreet, they'd never know. At Christmas, she said that she always knew I was bad inside, a freak, and that she'd known it from the day I was born. That I could take, it was her usual ammunition. But then, then she said that she… she wishes she wasn't my sister. That she'd give anything for me not to have been born, or for me to just, just _die_," Lily felt the first tears slip down her cheeks, "so, I retaliated, and my temper got out of control. It was nothing like what she'd whispered to me, but, of course, I shouted. _I _was audible. So I was the one kicked out early, and I was the one who had to find somewhere else to stay for Christmas."

There was silence as Lily cried into James' arms, as he thought about the life Lily had endured at home.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

She sniffed. "Like I said, it's a big thing for me, and it embarrasses me. I should never have reacted like that."

James shook his head. "Lily, you can't take seven years of hate sitting down. It was going to happen sometime."

Lily pulled away and wiped her eyes; embarrassed she'd broken down like that. "I guess. I just, I hate how she hates me. I hate how, even though she did everything she could to make my life a misery, I still love her. She's my sister, you know? Nothing is bigger than that. Not even if she treats me the way she does. There's really nothing I could've done, because, no matter what she says and what she does, I'm always going to love her, and I'm always going to want her to accept me for who I am – a witch."

"Yeah, I know. But sometimes you've just got to let go, give her some space. Maybe, in a few years when you've graduated and she's had some time to think, then maybe, she might come round, you never know. But, you do know you're always welcome at the Potter's for Christmas, don't you?"

She smiled, chuckling through her tears, "Thanks, James."

He kissed her head; happy they seemed to have been able to sort things out.

Later that night, Lily was thinking about what James had said. Maybe he was right. Maybe, in a couple of years, they could try again. Try sisterhood, because, right now, it wasn't as great as people made it out to be. No shopping trips, no hair tips, no makeup lessons. She'd come to accept that she never was going to have a normal relationship with her big sister, but that didn't mean they could never have any sort of relationship, she just needed to give it some time.

She would write to her mother in the morning, explaining that she was sorry for what had happened at Christmas, but it wasn't something that was going to be sorted out easily. Lily hoped against everything that she would understand, and that she would find it in her somewhere to forgive Lily, because, to be honest, Lily didn't really think that she was the one who needed to be forgiven.


End file.
